Loki Tries to Kill Captain America!
by GGMK
Summary: Isn't the title self-descriptive? Loki wants to kill Captain America to prove himself to Thanos. But it may be difficult... Somehow, things always get in the way... Crack-fic. I like Loki, but I will poke some fun at him and everyone else! Christmas chapter up!
1. Chapter 1

Loki knew he had to kill Captain America. It shouldn't be that hard, really. He was only a pitiful human, and unlike that Iron Man guy, he didn't have a fancy suit of armor. The shield could be easily dealt with.

The reason for Loki wanting to do away with the good Captain? Well….

FLASHBACK

Loki had been chilling with the boss, Thanos, at some resort in Las Vegas. Thanos had gotten a coupon in the mail, and since their usual hangouts were dull and drab, they decided a little vacation couldn't hurt. To Loki's annoyance, that suck-up only known as The Other also got to come along!

So there they were, lounging around the pool (which they had all to themselves, since everyone had run away, for some odd reason…) when The Other dropped the bomb.

"Lord Thanos, I think Loki is too weak to defeat even one of the Avengers!"

Loki wasn't surprised. The Other was drunk, having raided the hotel's fridge, and Other always tried to make Loki out to be a fool. But not this time!

"Oh, and who have you defeated, oh mighty unnamed one?" Loki asked in a grand manner. He was quite the actor! The Other stuck his tongue out at Loki. Loki rolled his eyes at the Other's immature nature.

Thanos, who was trying to see how long he could hold his breath under the water, sighed. He wanted to be left alone so that he could drown himself!

"Very well. Loki, go kill one of these Avengers to prove yourself worthy. Other, shut up".

Loki gasped. He had to leave the Las Vegas resort? DARN THAT OTHER!

END FLASHBACK

And so Loki found himself in New York City, home of the Avengers, X-Men, Fantastic Four, and others. Loki wouldn't be surprised if a group called Super Dupers lived in the area. But it mattered not; Loki planned to make this a quick job. In and out.

Loki teleported inside Avengers Tower. If anyone was there, they probably would have choked on the green magical fumes. Loki looked around, and then paused when he heard an automated voice.

"Identify yourself. I am Jarvis, the butler."

Loki blinked. He didn't know that Tony had a talking tower. Thinking fast, he grabbed his magic staff, and fired a huge energy blast, destroying most of the tower. Loki grinned….until he realized that if Captain America wasn't home yet…he would be on the alert.

"Blast, that disembodied voice fooled me. This will not stand…" In disgust, Loki warped to McDonald's, the only place that was known to serve supervillains. Just last week, Whiplash had ordered eight burgers. He must have been famished!

After having six servings of large fries, Loki's mood had grown much better. It was no big deal; he could easily kill the Captain another day. He briefly considered killing Black Widow or Hawkeye; but no, that wouldn't be good enough to prove himself to Thanos! The Other would scoff!

Loki headed to the next place he figured Captain America would be – Avenger's Mansion. Because, obviously, the team needed two bases! Instead of stepping on the perfectly mowed lawn, Loki did his teleporting trick, and ended up in the bathroom. Black Widow was inside. She screamed.

A few minutes later, Loki was in the basement, trying to collect his thoughts. That hadn't gone well!

"How was I supposed to know that I would end up in the restroom? I just warped randomly. Why, oh why couldn't that American Captain have been inside instead?" Loki realized that talking with himself was probably a bad sign…

Still, he would not give up! He would find and kill Capt. America…or die trying! Lifting his fists in the air, Loki let out a war roar! Nearby, a chipmunk threw a nut at him.

Meanwhile, Thanos and The Other were having a drinking contest. Thanos was winning; The Other clearly couldn't hold his liquor!

**To Be Continued**

* * *

Well, it shouldn't be too hard for Loki to kill Captain America, right? Right? Well...


	2. Ravens and Arrows

Loki always had a Plan B. He knew how very important it was to have a back-up. One could hardly expect things to go swimmingly every single time. And Captain America was a slippery foe. If Loki wanted to kill him, he'd have to be very, very smart about it. Of course, Loki didn't exactly lack brain power.

Now that the Avenger's base was destroyed, and since Black Widow was out to get him, he would also need to be sneaky, which was also something Loki could pull of very well. At the moment, he had used his magic to transform himself into a raven.

Flying over Manhattan, Loki kept a bird's-eye view (heh heh) out for the Captain. There were just so many…people scurrying about, probably trying to get somewhere to do something unimportant. Oh, humans had such boring lives. Maybe he was doing Capt. America a favor by killing him. No more fighting for his life, no more whining about his girlfriend married someone else, no more crying about Bucky, etc.

Loki was lost in his thoughts when an arrow zoomed past him. _What?_

* * *

Hawkeye and Black Widow had been hanging out at Central Park. Hawkeye wanted to show off a new arrow he had built. That's how he impressed all the chicks.

"So, this new arrow can bend mid-flight. I can aim it left, and after I fire it, it'll turn right. It takes lots of practice AND muscle!"

Black Widow looked uninterested.

Hawkeye pouted. "Look, I'll show you. Up there, see? A large raven. That'll be my target!" And with that, he aimed at the black raven, and fired. It zoomed past the raven, who let out a large squawk.

Black Widow raised an eyebrow. "You missed, Clint." Hawkeye sighed. She was so critical.

"No, I didn't. It titled out of the way, like I explained. Pretty cool, right?" Hawkeye grinned. Black Widow crossed her arms.

"I bet Steve could have done that, seeing how he throws that shield of his…"

Hawkeye's mouth fell open. After a moment of silence, he threw his bow on the ground, sat down, and started weeping. Steve? _STEVE_? Natasha and Steve were on a first-name basis? He couldn't compete with that!

Black Widow rolled her eyes, and prepared to leave, when she heard a THUMP noise behind her. She turned around – and came face to face with Loki!

* * *

After the arrow narrowly avoided stabbing him, Loki grew upset. A mortal dared to hunt him for sport? The foolish human would soon learn the error of his ways. Transforming back into his handsome old self, he landed on the ground – and came face to face with Black Widow, who immediately pointed a gun at his head!

Loki lifted his hand in front of his face in a peace gesture. "You wouldn't really shoot me, would you?"

Widow gave him a mean, nasty look.

"You must die," she stated calmly, and fired bullets.

* * *

Hours later, Loki was lying in a ditch. He had managed to dodge most of the bullets, but one had lodged in his leg. He could easily heal the wound, but OH, the pain! That witch had injured him! And he still hadn't located that elusive Captain America!

"Oh, woe is me! I am injured, the American Captain remains hidden, and Thanos and Other are probably having a blast!" Loki mumbled to himself.

* * *

Thanos and Other were watching movie in a dark cinema. Thanos was sniffing. Other looked at him oddly.

"Sir, are you crying?" he asked hesitantly. Thanos smacked him.

"NO, no I'm not! Leave me alone!" Thanos yelled. Other walked out of the theater. He had known seeing _Titanic_ was a bad idea!

**To Be Continued!**

* * *

Author's Notes: Has anyone else seen _Captain America: The Winter Soldier_? Its is GREAT! The best solo MCU film so far! WATCH IT!


	3. The Hotel

Trudging through the sewers was beneath a god. That was what flashed through Loki's mind as he traversed the watery-roads of the underground. Since flying like a bird didn't work, an even sneakier tactic had to be used.

Loki had studied the maps very closely before going on his journey. A few more turns, and he'd be under the Make Mine Marvel hotel, where Steve Rogers was supposedly staying for a few weeks. Loki knew this was his chance.

"That fool will never see what hits him," Loki murmured to himself. He was already playing the speech he'd give Thanos and The Other after the deed was done.

"Oh, it wasn't so difficult. Of course, for a god like me, nothing really is. It was fun sport while it lasted I suppose. Oh, Other, are you sniffling? Oh, it's alright to be embarrassed by my excellent accomplishment. Thanos, you want to retire, and put me in charge? Well, how can I say no?"

Loki had to stop himself. It would be no good to count his chickens before they hatched, as the humans said. After a few more minutes of silence, and unpleasant smell, and seeing a body float down the stream, Loki reached a manhole cover that, if his calculations were on the money, would lead him to his prey.

Loki blasted the manhole cover with a green energy blast emitted from his scepter. He never got around to naming it.

Levitating up, Loki peeked around the rim. A few people were lounging around the lobby, not really doing much of anything. It seems the Captain would be up in his room. Now Loki just had to find out which room that was!

Loki was no computer hacker, so that left more…physical means. He could teleport into every single room…but he had no wish to see someone else showering again. Loki shuddered; that Black Widow was fierce!

Shifting into an elderly man look, Loki hobbled over to the reception desk. The lady at the desk, who was chewing bubble gum, looked up, annoyed. Loki flashed a winning grin, before remembering he was an old man with pretty bad teeth.

"Ma'am, I'm an old war veteran, here to see my old pal Steve Rogers. Do you think you could be kind enough to tell me his room number?" Loki asked, almost cringing at his rough voice. The lady popped a bubble.

"Buzz off, creep. No one gets to ask for room numbers. Are you a deviant?" she asked rudely, before turning her chair around to watch an _Iron Man_ movie on her small television screen. Loki fumed. How DARE some human woman say these things to him!

A flash of light later, and Loki was walking down the hallway, humming. If anyone were to go to the front desk, they'd see a rather ugly frog watching a _Thor_ film. Back in good spirits, Loki decided to just wander the halls for a few hours. Surely, Rogers would leave his room for a lunch or bathroom break. Loki wondered if he sprinkled when he tinkled.

"Locating this American hero is much harder than it sounds," Loki mused to himself. To think, if he could just locate the shield-carrying hero, his job would be ten times easier!

* * *

Thanos and the Other were at Disney Land!

"Let's ride the roller coaster, the highest one," Thanos said, not fearing death (or heights), so this was perfect. The Other tried to edge away, but Thanos grabbed him.

"Sir…why don't we stick with calm rides…like the Ferris Wheel? I think –" he was interrupted by Thanos slapping him.

"We are going on the roller coaster," Thanos snarled. Other nodded his head.

**To Be Continued**

* * *

Author's Comments: That poor lady. She should have been nicer. And meanwhile, at least some villains are getting to have fun!

_Captain America: The Winter Soldier_ is the best Marvel solo film so far! Not quite as good as _Avengers_ \- but what is? Still, I think Winter Soldier will be the best film this year. Next up on the MCU front: _Guardians of the Galaxy_, this May. So, to everyone reading this: go watch it, and tell your friends, promote it! Guardians needs support!


	4. Peggy Carter

NOTE: STORY CONTAINS MILD SPOILERS FOR _CAPTAIN AMERICA: THE WINTER SOLDIER_!

* * *

But this was intolerable. Loki had spent the last few hours wandering the halls and stairways of the Make Mine Marvel hotel, and his patience was at its final moments. Even turning that annoying female into a frog had only been satisfying for about twenty minutes. Loki needed sport!

After turning the corner, Loki spied a bear laying on top of some man, and two little girls holding hands in a creepy manner. Annoyed (why couldn't the man have been Capt. America, for Odin's sake?), Loki teleported out of the hotel. He wasn't even sure he ever wanted to return. Hang it all, he would murder the American Captain some other way!

After buying a hot dog from some smelly vendor, Loki sat at a bench to collect his thoughts. The afternoon sun shone on his face, causing it to glimmer. Loki swore that if someone called him a vampire, he'd blast them. Some birds flew towards Loki's boots, hoping to get some crumbs. Loki smirked to himself.

That is when the idea hit him! He knew that the Captain had a girlfriend of sorts! However, finding her whereabouts, or even learning her name, could be difficult. Then again, it would probably be in a newspaper or something.

"Scatter, you petty feathered creatures! I, Loki, now have a plan. No more aimless wandering for me," Loki said, ignoring the shocked looks he got from passerby. One lady grabbed her child and ran.

Loki headed towards a museum when he knew Captain America had his own exhibit. It was foolish, the things these humans built temples around. Where was HIS exhibit?

Entering the museum, Loki was blasted with cold air, probably from an air-conditioner. Not that it mattered; Loki, being a frost giant, was immune to such trifling things. Besides, he need pay it no mind; he had important matters to attend to.

A computerized voice caught Loki's attention.

"Steve was a wonderful man. He helped end the war, and he kicked Red Skull's crimson butt. Oh, what a man. Too bad he died. Well, whatever. I got married again. Cheers!"

Loki walked towards the voice, and saw a television screen, with a female speaking in it. The bottom corner of the screen read "Peggy Carter". So she was the mysterious girlfriend! Loki grinned…until he wasn't.

"Wait…so she married someone else? BLAST, now I can't use her to find my prey!" Loki grumbled to himself. Pausing, he thought. Even if she wasn't currently dating the Captain…she could still know his whereabouts!

In triumph, Loki dashed from the museum, knocking over some security guards, and at least one mummy.

* * *

The nursing home, True Believers, was pretty sparse. Not too big, but not too small. Loki assumed most of the patients weren't complaining, though. Shifting his form into that of a nursing aide, Loki ventured inside. It didn't take long to find Peggy's room. It was apparently the most-visited in the ward.

Once inside the room, Loki shifted back into his true form, and closed the door behind him. Walking up to Peggy, Loki shook her awake. She got up with a start, eyes wide.

"Woman, you will tell me what I wish to know. If you do not, there will be consequences", Loki warned her. Peggy covered her mouth with her frail hands.

"Who are you?" she asked timidly. Loki laughed at her ignorance.

"I am Loki, one of the coolest gods of Asgard. Even Thor kneels to me!" Loki exclaimed, getting in a pose. Peggy didn't seem very impressed though. She didn't even clap. Loki sighed.

"OK, fine. Just tell me where Steve Rogers is," Loki said wearily. Peggy tilted her head.

"Who? I don't think I know a Steve Rogers…" she trailed off. Loki quickly ran to the foot of her bed, and read her medical files. Skimming through it, Loki slammed it down in anger. She wouldn't be able to help him….

* * *

Meanwhile, at Disney Land, The Other was feeling sick. Thanos had made him go on all the scary rides, and they left him drained. How did Thanos do it? He flinched as Thanos sat down next to him on the bench. He was wearing a large "I heart Disney" shirt. It barely fit, though.

"I hunger. Other, find me some food. A cold drink would be fine, too."

Grumbling, The Other walked away, hoping that Loki was suffering right now!

**To Be Continued!**

* * *

Author's Notes: The scene with Peggy in _Winter Soldier_ was pretty sad. But don't worry: for those who don't know, Peggy Carter will be getting her own TV mini-series on ABC next year, apparently.

And did anyone notice _The Shining_ reference?

And thanks to Rufescent for the story's first review! It means a lot! Glad you like it! To be honest, I'm trying to stall Loki and Cap's meeting! When they meet, it'll be big!


	5. Loki's Concert

Loki had killed Coulson. It had been pretty darn easy, too! One stab, and it was all over. Sure, Coulson had managed to blast him with some unknown gun, but it wasn't a big deal. No one else had even been there, so it's not like anyone could use that as blackmail material against Loki.

Captain America, being just as human as Coulson was, should also be as easy to kill as the agent. But Captain America was elusive; the coward must fear for his life. That fact stroked Loki's ego.

"Well, of course the Captain is running away," Loki mused to himself. "I would hide, too, if I were coming after me." Loki's idle thoughts got blown away by the sound of music. It was pleasing to the ear, so Loki followed the melodious tune.

There was a concerto going on at Central Park. No singing, just pure music, featuring trumpets, and violins, and other things that Loki had seen the musicians play in the halls of Asgard. It made Loki nostalgic, the music washing over him. He could almost forget about Captain America. But then Loki's eyes snapped open. He had an idea!

Captain America, he had heard, enjoyed old American songs, the kind that were sung during the Great Wars. Maybe, if Loki could set up a concert featuring such songs, the Captain would crawl out of his hole to make an appearance. Loki would then strike him down!

"As usual, my plans amaze even me. I'm just too crafty!" Loki crowed, not noticing some losers throwing tomatoes at the musicians. In a huff, the musicians threw their instruments at the crowd, seriously injuring some. When the ruckus had ended, there was carnage and blood. Loki paid that no mind; the instruments had caught his eye.

Loki snapped his fingers, and in a puff of green smoke, all the modern instruments had been transformed into their older incarnations.

"I love magic. Thank Odin I wasn't born human," Loki said to himself. Now he had to find some people to play the instruments. He had a hunch that the people who had just been playing wouldn't do it, so he had to find someone else. He would only accept the very best. Even if the whole thing was a charade, Loki still demanded perfection!

* * *

A few days later, and Loki had decided to do a "If you want it done right, do it yourself" plan. Making some clones of himself, he went to work building a stage, if you could call snapping your fingers work. He put around flyers, posted on Twitter, and generally told everyone within hearing range that there would be a spanking cool retro concert at Town Hall.

The night air was crisp. The lights on and around the stage has created an almost eerie glow. There was a surprisingly large audience, all waiting to be entertained and amazed. Loki, peeking behind the curtain, grinned.

Launching himself in front of the stage, Loki and his clones began to play their hardest. The songs were simple, and from the good old days. They even did a snappy rendition of Yankee Doodle Dandy! The audience was screaming and clapping. One elderly lady fainted. No one seemed to notice (or care) that all four men on stage were identical.

The music went on for hours, the raw energy and excitement keeping Loki going. He had long forgotten that he came to murder someone. Eventually, one of his copies had to remind him.

"Psst. Other me, I need to tell you to remember your mission. You've lost your way. We must kill Captain America." Loki frowned.

"SHUT UP, YOU'RE JUST A CLONE, YOU CAN'T BOSS ME AROUND!" and with that, Loki lunged at the copy and began to punch him in the face. The other two Lokis jumped in. The crowd screamed and dispersed.

Irritated, Loki screamed, "ENOUGH!", and snapped his fingers, causing the other three Lokis to disappear. Breathing hard, Loki looked around. Everyone had left, and the stage was ruined.

"Well, I didn't see the Captain in the audience anyway…", Loki muttered as he walked away, not realizing that Steve Rogers had indeed been in the audience, having been invited by Tony Stark and Pepper Potts.

* * *

Meanwhile, The Other was feeling sick. He had eaten too much cotton candy! And yet Thanos was still stuffing his face! How could he find the room?

"Waiter? Second, _now_!" Thanos growled at some poor lady. The Other looked on in horror.

**To Be Continued**


	6. BuckyWinter Soldier

WARNING! CONTAINS SPOILERS FOR _CAPTAIN AMERICA: WINTER SOLDIER_!

* * *

Loki was on a bridge in Central Park, throwing crumbs absently at some silly birds. After all, he had nothing better to do. Frankly, he was discouraged. Captain America kept evading him, he hadn't had a bath in months, his own clones were getting rebellious, and he was scared what Odin would tell him if he ever decided to go home. All that aside, Thanos probably wouldn't let him stop, and the Other would gloat something fierce.

Loki knew that his earlier plan of drawing Captain America to the concert was a solid one. It failed, but still, it was a valiant effort.

"Maybe," Loki mused, "I need some more appetizing bait. Surely, something as simple as food or money would not suffice. But what else is there?" Loki thought and thought, and even when the birds all flew off in boredom, Loki thought. Finally, a grin crept on his face.

* * *

Bucky Barnes, formerly the Winter Soldier, was keeping a low profile at some dusty museum. He visited once a day, sometimes more, to read about himself and Steve. He had already read everything at least five times, but he couldn't stop! Call it an obsession, but he had to come back each time. It's a good thing no one recognized him, or they would have called SHIELD or Steve or something.

Entering the building, Bucky nodded at the female receptionist, who gave him an annoyed, "not AGAIN" look. Whoops. Maybe someone did recognize him.

"Easy, Bucky. Just breathe, calm your nerves, and think of murder. HEY, no, wait, that's what Zola told me to do. Bad, Bucky, BAD!" Bucky slapped himself. The receptionist rolled her eyes.

Suddenly, an explosion rocked the room, and the front doors blew down. Bucky rolled behind a pillar, while the receptionist hid behind the counter. Grabbing an oversized rifle from his pockets (!), he peeked from behind the pillar, trying to get a visual at the target. If it was Steve, he wouldn't shoot. If it was a SHIELD goon….well, maybe he would.

* * *

Loki entered the museum, sneering at the paintings and murals hanging from the walls. Asgard was so much cooler looking. Humans were quaint, which was only one of the reasons they were so awful. Captain America was the worst of them, but the rest weren't much better. Hawkeye and Widow were annoying, Bruce Banner was a creep, and Nick Fury was a meanie bossy pants.

Deciding to move past the paintings, Loki started to walk around the lobby. With his luck, Bucky would be hiding downstairs or something. Before Loki could ponder this further, a bullet whizzed past his head, and entered one of the ugly paintings. Loki felt it was a just end for that painting. Still, whoever had fired at him would be in big trouble!

Loki teleported behind Bucky. Thinking fast, Bucky rolled aside, narrowly dodging Loki's staff. Getting to his feet, Bucky dashed towards the stairs. Loki sighed.

"Running will do you no good. I can teleport, I can make clones, and I can use magic to track you. How do you think you can escape? Honestly…"

Loki followed Bucky, yawning. This was too much trouble to catch Captain America, but the end result would be worth it.

Bucky headed to the basement, where there would be more places to hide and launch a sneak attack. Entering the dark room, Bucky let his eyes adjust…but there was nothing there. Everything was gone!

"Looking for things to scurry under like a rat? I took the liberty of removing all object beforehand," Loki explained, appearing behind Bucky. Bucky backed up.

"What do you want with me?" Bucky asked. "I haven't done anything to you, and I left HYDRA." Loki smirked.

"I could care less about HYDRA. I need you as bait for Captain America," Loki said slowly, as if explaining to a child. Bucky glared at Loki.

"Your plan won't work! Steve doesn't give in to terrorist threats! Besides, how will you tell him that you've captured me?" Loki paused. He supposed he could just put posters around. That didn't work for the concert, though…

"Besides, I'm a traitor. I bet Steve wants nothing to do with me," Bucky said bitterly. Loki patted him on the back.

"There, there. I know that feel, bro," Loki sobbed. Together, the two men went to get a drink.

* * *

At some hotel somewhere, Other was trying to stay calm. Loki still wasn't back yet, the bills were piling up, and Thanos was…missing. Other took his eyes off him for one second, and this happens!

**TO BE CONTINUED**

* * *

**Author's Notes**: Haha, in the end, Loki and Bucky were kindred spirits. I think Bucky is more repentant than Loki, but still!

And Thanos is missing! Ah!

To those who haven't seen _Winter Soldier_ yet (WHAT), see it now! Its great!


	7. Red Skull

Loki woke up with a wicked nasty hangover. Groaning, Loki sat up in his comfy bed at the Make Mine Marvel hotel. Rubbing his forehead, Loki tried to remember why he had been drunk last night, and then remembered.

_Oh yes. That party with Bucky. I never knew that man could dance like that, he looked so serious before. That's what alcohol will do, I suppose._

Loki shook his head. It didn't matter. He needed to come up with a new way to murder Captain America! Something that would make Loki one scary dude. Maybe it was time he team up with another villain, preferably one who also hated the Captain.

Loki tapped his finger against his chin. "Let's see, do I know any villains who would help me dispose of Captain America? Oh, of course! THAT man will do just fine…."

Getting up, Loki snapped his fingers, causing him to get dressed in a puff of green some, and then warp to a sub-space dimension. The sub-dimension was one of Thanos' personal little places, and he even gave Loki a pair of "keys", so to speak. The place was nice looking, Loki supposed. It was sort of blue, with sparkles and hues flying around all willy-nilly.

The center contained a large, wooden box. Anyone nearby would hear shouts and pleas coming from it. Loki smirked to himself, before grabbing the lid and shoving it open. When the lid was opened, a human figure stumbled out, coughing and gasping for breath. Loki rolled his eyes, and kicked the figure; he had no time for human weakness. The being looked up, his red face almost hiding his eyes.

"What do you want from me?" asked the…..Red Skull. Loki didn't know the full-story, but apparently, Thanos had found the nazi floating in space. Unlike Loki, Red Skull didn't want to help Thanos, so Thanos just locked him up in a box for many, many years. Loki had to admit, that was pretty cool.

"For the first time in your useless life, you actually have a chance of being useful, so listen up. I require your help, oh red-faced one," Loki answered Skull. Skull looked offended, not that it mattered much.

"How dare you speak to me that way! Why would you expect me to help you?" Skull yelled in anger, making his face possibly even more red. Loki was almost impressed, until he remembered that he could turn his own face blue.

"Oh, Red Skull, I thought you might say that before even hearing my proposal. I want your help in killing your adversary – Captain America. So, human, are you interested?" Loki stared Red Skull in the eyes, waiting for a reply, or even a rebuke. Red Skull didn't answer at first, but his eyes told Loki everything.

"Very well, Loki. I will help you. But know this….I do not work for you," Skull warned. Loki just nodded, because whatever, Skull said yes! Time to go kill a patriot!

* * *

Hours later, Loki was frustrated and angry and maybe embarrassed.

"You told me you'd be able to find Captain America, so pray tell, WHAT IS THE HOLD UP?" Loki screamed at Red Skull, who flinched. Skull stuttered for a second.

"Forgive me, but locating my nemesis was always the hard part, and besides, he always came to me, so…" Skull said, fishing for excuses. Loki didn't care, he just wanted results.

"So…you mean to tell me, that I freed you from your prison for nothing?" Loki asked in a dangerously quiet voice. Red Skull gulped.

"To be honest, even if we found him…I would not be of any help to you. I can't fight as well as you, I'm not smart enough to build weapons, and I'm generally useless. Just….DON'T TAKE ME BACK THERE!" Loki was disgusted, especially since this was actually partially his fault.

Snapping his fingers, Loki sent the sobbing Skull back to his sub-dimension prison. Sighing, Loki headed back to the hotel. The day was pretty much over, and Loki wanted to head in before it got even worse!

* * *

Thanos had decided he needed a break from The Other. It was time to explore Earth, even if he wasn't technically allowed! But where to go first? He had heard good things about Italy, and he hungered for some pizza, so off he went.

To Be Continued

Author's Notes: I'll be honest, I don't like Red Skull, which may explain why he looked so bad here, lol. At this rate, Loki is doomed to never even find Captain America!

And Thanos is travelling. This can't end well...


	8. Loki at Broadway!

Loki decided that he needed a break. Maybe if he took some well-deserved time off, he'd come back refreshed enough to finally murder his nemesis. With that in mind, Loki decided to catch a Broadway show for the lolz. He didn't bother memorizing the name, because he was sure it would be dreadful.

Entering the building was easy; Loki only had to put on a suit. It was that simple! Humans could be so stupid, not that Loki was complaining. It made thing SO much easier. Walking down the admittedly fancy staircase, Loki entered the two large doors, and found his red-velvet looking seat. It was near the center of the building, giving him a good view of the stage where all the action would be.

A few minutes later, a woman with an ugly, large, feathered hat sat in front of Loki. The god of mischief began to get angry! He had the best seat in the house, and he wasn't going to let some oblivious woman wreck that for him! Snapping his fingers, a stream of green smoke puffed towards the hat. In a flash, the hat grew two wings, and flew away, causing the lady to shriek. At this, many nearby patrons turned to her with a glare. Loki smirked, as it was always nice when people got what they had coming to them.

Finally, the lights began to dim. Loki was starting to actually look forward to this production, and the seat was very comfy for his delicate tush. A man walked towards the front of the stage, holding a microphone. He lightly tapped it, and then opened his mouth.

"Greetings and welcome. Our play is about love, lust, and breakfast. The actors, crew, and yours truly, all thank you for coming, and we all hope you enjoy." The man cleared his throat before continuing.

"Also, I would like the audience to clap for a special guest in the audience – Captain America! He was gracious enough to come after we asked him because, gosh, we needed the money! Give him a round of applause!" The building probably rocked with the noise. Everyone in the room loved and admired the guy. Well, with one exception.

Loki.

Loki was trying to remain calm…but that was a task too difficult, even for the Asgardian. Grinding his teeth together, Loki thought of a new plan: he'd murder Captain America while he was engrossed in the play!

"Heh heh, I just need to wait for the right moment, and then the Captain will be too enraptured to notice me!" Loki whispered to himself. Some people shushed him, but he payed them no mind.

The curtain rose, showing a couple making breakfast.

"What shall we have for lunch, husband of mine?" the female asked her companion. The man smirked.

"I know what I want to eat", he said, licking his lips. The lady smirked too.

"Oh, I know what you want. You want my…..famous chili dogs, right?" she said. The man got red in the face, before yelling for a divorce.

Loki had missed the whole scene, as he had warped out of his seat, leaving one of his clones behind. Loki shuffled aimlessly around and through the aisles, hoping to run into Captain America. Unfortunately, that's when he realized he was in a pickle!

_This place is huge. There must be over 100 rows, not to mention the various balconies. Loki, old chap, you've stepped into it this time!_

Back on the stage, the couple was getting freaky, with some talk of toast involved. Loki paid it no mind, as searching for Captain America would take all of his skills, all of his cunning, and – wait, was that a sign that read "Reserved Seating for Captain America"?

Loki rushed over…and the seats were empty. Loki looked around to make sure. Growling, Loki turned over the seat in anger, causing more people to shush him. Not taking that, Loki blasted some of the surrounding areas, causing a panic. The actors on the stage didn't even notice the commotion around them.

* * *

"Hey, Steve, didn't you have a Broadway play to attend?" Tony Stark asked Captain America. The two were reading some newspapers at the Stark Tower lounge. Cap shrugged and drank some coffee.

* * *

Thanos had finished his fifth pizza pie at some restaurant in Italy. He didn't have any money, but no one had dared to deny him the food after what happened to the police officers. Thanos was living it up, and no one could stop him!

**To Be Continued!**

* * *

Nothing ever goes right for Loki, huh? LOL I like making him work for it. ;)

Anyways, have you guys seen the second trailer for _Guardians of the Galaxy_? I think it looks really good and fun. As comic, Marvel, and/or sci-fi fans, we have to support it. Go watch it this August, and tell your friends, family, neighbors, and fellow comic fans. Spread the word. If we want more obscure characters to get films, and more Marvel films set in space, this film has to do well!

EDIT: The film did very well, so...you comic and superhero fans are awesome!


	9. Guardians of the Galaxy, Part 1

Loki held the phone in his hand. He stared at it, started to put it back down, shook his head, raised it back up, dialed a number, and pressed the phone to his ear.

Last time Loki had hired someone, cough Red Skull cough, it hadn't worked out well at all. But Red Skull was a loser, so Loki knew he had to hire….professionals. Loki was loathe to do this, but his honor (and life) was at stake, so he would have to bite the bullet, just this once.

The phone rang, rang, rang. Loki almost dreaded when it would stop. Then someone picked up, of course. It was inevitable.

"Whadya want?" a voice snarled. Loki almost hung up right there. The nerve! Who did this nobody think he was?

Loki cleared his throat. "Ahem, I am calling regarding a job I would like you and your group to perform for me". He got a quick response.

"No way, pal. Buzz off, we have other things to do, and places to be", the voice growled back.

"Wait, wait. I can make this worth your while, and I can pay handsomely", Loki hurried. He couldn't let this whelp hang up just yet! The voice seemed suddenly interested, luckily. But Loki heard some more voices in the background.

"Rocket, who is that? Tell them to go away", a male voice yelled. Loki sneered.

"It might be a new mission request, Peter", a female voice piped up.

Loki knew he had to get these people to listen to him! "I will pay you very handsomely…if you kill a certain man for me", he said, trying his hardest to sound evil and menacing.

"He wants us to murder someone, I think", the voice on the phone told his compatriots.

A new, deep male voice spoke up. "Murder? I say we accept the mission". Loki almost rolled his eyes. THAT is what got one of the members interested.

"Murder? No way! We don't do that….much", one of the males voices replied. Loki gritted his teeth! Why was he even trying to hire….the **Guardians of the Galaxy**?!

* * *

On the ship, the Guardians were sitting at their assigned seats as they flew through the galaxy trying to get rich, and maybe occasionally, try to save the world. The leader (?) Star-Lord, AKA Peter Quill, was of course, in the front seat.

Rocket was his wing-man, which might stress out PETA. Sweet Groot always hung around Rocket. Drax and Gamora sat on the other side. Not that Star-Lord was trying to color-coordinate, it just worked out like that…somehow.

Right now, some jerk had called them (how did he get their number?) and was asking them to kill someone. Out of the question!

"No way", Peter Quill said. As captain, that made this situation as good as over. Drax pouted.

"He says he'll pay us more than we can imagine", Rocket informed Peter. Peter's eyes became dollar signs.

"What are we waiting for? LETS GO!" Peter yelled as he put the boosters of the ship into over-drive! Gamora sighed, but didn't argue.

"I am Groot", Groot said to Rocket. Rocket waved him off.

"C'mon, Groot, don't be an idiot! We need the cash for the, erm, ship repairs or some junk like that". Groot did not look convinced. Drax looked pretty cheery though.

"Wait, how will we find this person if we don't even know who he is?" Gamora asked, bringing up a very good point. Peter only had one response.

"Um….."

Luckily, their mysterious phone-caller must have planned for this, as he sent them a prompt fax. Groot grabbed the paper and read it.

"I am Groot". Rocket snapped the paper away from him.

"It's some Terran called Steve Rogers. A superhero, or something like that. He looks pretty weak, we can take him", Rocket said confidently. He kept reading the fax.

"Oh, oh, and his hero name is Captain America! Hahahaha! That is so dorky, right, Groot?"

Groot replied, "I am Groot". Rocket slapped him on the back. Groot could be such a comedian at times!

* * *

Loki grinned. Why should he do any work when he could get other people to do it for him.

"Ah, and now I finally have time for myself. I can catch a movie, go watch a sporting event, or feast at a buffet. I believe I should try all three!"

It occurred to Loki that he didn't actually have much money to pay the Guardians, but….then again, why should he? They shouldn't have believed the god of lies in the first place!

**To Be Continued!**

* * *

Author's Notes:

Yup. I just went there. Cool guest stars, eh?

Oh, and I saw _Guardians of the Galaxy_! It was GREAT! If you're a Marvel fan, CBM fan, sci-fi fan, or just fan of good cinema, WATCH IT! Funny, emotional, action-packed! Every single hero was likable, and most of the villains were very evil. And Thanos, wow! So, yeah, check it out!


	10. Guardians of the Galaxy, Part 2

The Guardians of the Galaxy! They were a mostly, kinda dependable group! They'd get the job done, Loki was sure of it. The hard part was waiting for the group to arrive on Earth!

The group arrived a few weeks later than expected. They had stopped at some space café for wanderers, but one thing had led to another. By the end, the Guardians had captured a dozen criminals, beat up two dozen more, ended up with a prosthetic arm, and gotten banned at said café. All in a day's work.

As the group's ship, The Milano, touched down quietly in some suburbia on Earth (the ship used some kind of camouflage tech so SHIELD couldn't locate them), Peter Quill quickly gave his team a reminder.

"OK, guys! Lets recap: we're hunting some guy named Steve Rogers, AKA Captain America. If we do, we'll get lots of money. Any questions?" Peter was hoping the answer would be no. He was in a hurry to collect the reward!

"Since we're killing him anyway, I can go all out?" Drax questioned. For some reason, Quill and the others always stopped him at the last second. Peter sighed.

"Yes, Drax, you can kill him as hard and violent as you want. Anyone else?" Rocket cocked his over-sized gun.

"Not a one", he growled with a cheeky but kinda scary grin. Peter didn't envy Captain America at all right now. He would hate to be in that guy's shoes. Rocket and Drax both looked like they were itching for a fight, and Gamora, while not as openly enthusiastic, never showed any mercy either.

And Groot was Groot.

"I do have some reservations", Gamora spoke up. "Why hasn't the man who hired us deigned to show his face to us at all? People like that cannot be trusted".

"Weellllll", Peter drawled, "most people would say the same about us". Gamora looked around at the ragtag group.

"I see your point", she said, shrugging. She knew how many people already hated her.

After some messing around with maps, the team discovered they had landed in New Jersey. Reading comments in online forums didn't pain the place in an overtly positive light. It didn't matter, since New York City was apparently fairly close.

Their first step was acquiring a car at a local rental shop. The owner was very reluctant to rent out a car to the group, though.

"None of you have a driver's license. I really can't loan you any vehicles", the owner explained nervously, wringing his gloved hands. Rocket made a waving motion.

"Please, I've driven spacecrafts made by third-rate builders, a "car" should be no problem. Hand me the keys!" The owner shook his head – until Drax put a large hand on the guy's shoulders.

Ten minutes later, they were crammed in the car – with Peter driving. Rocket was pouting in the backseat with Drax and Groot, who had sized down.

"I'm sorry, Rocket, but if people saw you driving, that would bring too much attention", Peter tried to apologize, but Rocket was having none of it.

"Yeah, yeah. You'd better watch your back for the next few hours…." He grumbled.

"I am Groot".

"Groot, that's a swell idea!", Rocket said, sounding impressed. It was going to be a long drive.

* * *

Loki, since he had the day off, pretty much, decided to do something nice for himself. He went to a fancy hair-salon, because he knew all the girls loved stylish hair. A few hours later, and Loki was already getting even more girls worshipping at his feet than usual. It was like magic, and Loki was an expert at that.

His mind wandered to Captain American and the Guardians. _I hope they've killed him already. Probably not, I gave them my number, so they would have called already if it was so! What is causing them to take such a long time?_

So, with infinite swag, Loki ditched the women, and went towards Avengers Tower, where Captain America was sure to be. Upon arrival, he found a flyer posted to the gate. It read To whom it may concern, Captain America will be at the All-American Buffet all night tonight. Srry – Tony Stark, coolest billionaire ever.

Loki crumpled the paper as he said dramatically to himself, "I'll have to crash that buffet, then. Captain America's days are numbered". With a flourish, he was gone.

* * *

As the Guardians of the Galaxy drove on, Peter was starting to get bombarded with complaints of hunger.

"I require sustenance if I am to kill the Captain" Drax announced. Rocket and Groot quickly backed him up.

"OK, I give!" Peter yelled in frustration. "But what the heck Groot? You don't even eat normal people food". Groot gave a sheepish grin. Peter couldn't stay mad at him.

So they stopped at the first place they found – an American Buffet. Peter was proud of himself for finding a place that would actually manage to fill all of them up. They walked up the steps, opened the door, and found some seats.

As they waited for the food, Rocket decided to "spice things up" by throwing one of the pepper bottles into the booth next to them. Some lady cried out, and a man exited the booth. Peter's mouth fell open. It was their target!

The Guardians all stood up, crashing dinner plates and dropping food. Rocket still held a salt shaker. There was a tense stare-down.

"Just who are you people?" Captain America asked slowly, not even sure what he was staring at. Who were these people? Two of them were green, for goodness's sake! And was that a raccoon? Animals weren't allowed in this fine establishment!

"I guess introductions are in order". Star Lord quickly grabbed one of his guns. "I'm Star-Lord, this is my team, and we're here to kill you". The last part was rushed out as Star Lord fired, his gun being deflected by the mighty shield. Drax rushed forward, entering into melee with Captain America. It was knife vs shield, basically.

"Why do you want to kill me? I don't know you", Steve reasoned as Drax tried to get him in a choke hold. Cap kicked Drax in the stomach, which only resulted in Drax letting out a grunt. Cap quickly ducked as a leg sailed past his head; the leg was attached to Gamora.

"Oy, hold him still, won't you", Rocket complained. He wanted a clear shot at the American flag draped human. He'd blow his head off!

"I am Groot" Groot said as his roots and branches entangled Captain America, who struggled in vain. Rocket grinned, Groot always came through!

"Who hired you?" Cap demanded through ground teeth. "Was it Red Skull, or Baron Zemo?" Star-Lord suddenly looked embarrassed.

"Um…we don't know, but we were promised money…."

"Do you still have the recording he left? Maybe I'll know" Captain America said desperately. Rocket pulled out the device from one of his pockets, and shrugged as he played it. What could be the harm?

As the recording played, Captain America's eyes widened. THAT WAS LOKI.

"I know who that is….an evil god named Loki!" he said.

"How evil?" Star Lord asked, not sure he wanted to know. Captain America looked him in the eye.

"He works for Thanos".

You could hear a pin drop in the room. Then Drax roared.

* * *

Loki had just been entering the buffet when he heard a loud roar. Was it a victory roar? That must be it! Loki opened the door, and came face to face with a very angry looking Drax. Loki ran towards the street, Drax hot on his tail, and Rocket and Gamora not far behind.

"I am Groot", Groot apologized to Captain America as he untangled him. Steve gave a salute; he held no grudged, for he was Captain America. He only hoped they would catch Loki, and end his reign of terror.

**To Be Continued!**

* * *

**Author's Notes:**

Wow, my longest chapter for this fic yet! I like how it turned out. Poor Loki, his association with Thanos didn't help him here!

Once again, the _Guardians of the Galaxy_ film was great. If you're any kind of Marvel fan, WATCH IT. With a crowd, if possible; like _Avengers_, this film is great to watch with fellow fans!


	11. Tony Stark Goes Bankrupt!

Loki took a deep breath. He had somehow managed to escape from those nasty Guardians! OK, he had lied to them, but that was hardly any excuse to act so….barbaric. He had even ended up giving them some money that he had conjured. No harm, no foul, right?

Anyways, Loki had stumbled inside a shawarma joint. Just his luck. Grumbling aside, he was famished, so he ordered a whole bunch. Thank Odin he wasn't a vegetarian!

After taking a few bites, and chewing his food like Frigga taught him, Loki decided it was time to brainstorm. Hiring people didn't work, and trying to lure in Captain America with tempting music didn't work, and goodness, nothing worked! Loki absent-mindedly crushed his cup of soda.

_Captain America is like a cockroach….impossible to kill….but if I stay persistent, he will be mine! _

Loki was so absorbed in wanting to murder the American, he had almost forgotten the reason for this quest in the first place! Once he killed Cap, he would rub the corpse in The Other's face so hard! Loki smirked at the thought, causing some female diners nearby to almost faint.

Exiting the store, Loki was hit – by a flash of inspiration! He knew how to catch Captain America: he would pose as some bank employee, inform Tony Stark that he was bankrupt, which would force Stark to hold an Avengers meeting so that he could tell the other members that their boy-scout club would have to close due to lack of funding, and while Cap was there at the meeting, Loki would strike! It was the best plan Loki had ever had, not ridiculous at all!

* * *

A few days later, Tony Stark was in his mansion, taking a bath. The bathtub was full of 100 dollar bills, much better than rubber ducks. When the doorbell rang, Tony had to scramble to put on some clothes, since Pepper was away for the week.

"Coming, coming, hold your horses", Tony called as rushed to the door. The doorbell was being rung over and over again! Whoever was at the door must have been impatient. Tony opened the door to find some guy in a snappy, green business suit and glasses staring at him. The man gave a smile, and walked past Stark inside the mansion.

"Uh, can I help you?" Stark asked in bewilderment. The green-dressed man, turning around with a sly smile, dropped a large suitcase on one of Tony's glass tables. The man nodded.

"Oh yes. Or rather, I can help you, perhaps", the gentleman said with an air of someone who was doing a huge favor. The man sat down on one of Tony's leather couches, as if he owned the place. Tony voiced this.

"Oh, but you see, I may very well own this establishment soon", the man said, and if he wasn't wearing any glasses, Tony was sure he'd see a twinkle in those eyes.

"What? Are you crazy? Do you think I'd sell this place to you?" The man laughed.

"I am from the bank of *cough* and it has come to our attention that you, Mr. Stark, are horribly bankrupt" the silky voice said with only the one hitch. Stark shook his head.

"Yeah, no. I would know if I was bankrupt. I would have been informed, by either Pepper, or Rhodey, or JARVIS, or someone. And my company is doing completely fine", Tony tried to explain. The man chuckled.

"Go ahead, ask JARVIS then. I'll wait". And, true to his word, he grabbed a magazine, and began to flip through it as Tony ran to his room to speak with JARVIS privately.

When Tony left, the man stood up, looked around, and in a whoosh! Of green light, became Loki! Loki chuckled to himself! It was all too easy! Pepper, the only one who could have gotten in his way, was on vacation – a vacation Loki had created! As for that pesky AI JARVIS, Loki had gone to the trouble of putting a spell on him the night earlier!

* * *

In his room, Tony locked the door behind him.

"JARVIS, please tell me I'm not poor, for the love of money!" Tony begged his smart computer. JARVUIS turned on, with a noticeably green glow.

"Sorry, loser, but all your money is gone, vanished, kaput", JARVIS explained in a pretty rude voice. Tony wondered if his gambling finally caught up to him. Was this the price he had to pay for his sins? Was this karma?

"Oh no no no no, what do I tell the others?" Tony asked himself in a panic. He heard footsteps behind him.

"Why, the truth, of course", the man gently but firmly encouraged. Tony knew the mysterious bank guy was right.

* * *

A week later, Tony gathered the Avengers inside the new Avenger's Tower to explain the horrible situation. Loki, unbeknownst to them, was there, using his magic to make himself look like a fancy statue. He stood still, as Black Widow and Hawkeye, Bruce Banner, and then Thor arrived. Now Loki just had to wait for Captain America!

"Well, guys, I don't know how it happened, but it appears I am in debt. I hate to do this, but it may be necessary to disband the Avengers". Everyone gasped, and Hawkeye could be seen trying to calm down Bruce. Tony was staring at his designer shoes, trying to hold back the tears. Loki grinned evilly.

Then the phone rang. JARVIS rudely informed Stark that it was for him. Tony left the room to answer. When he came back, he had a look of shock on his face.

"Tony, what's wrong?" Natasha asked sharply. Tony looked up, and then grabbed her in a hug! Everyone gasped again.

"We're saved! We're saved! Captain America earned a billion dollars from insurance that he finally cashed in after he got frozen!" Tony sobbed. Everyone else sobbed too. Tears of joy leaked all around, with one exception: Loki's tears of rage and humiliation!

**To Be Continued!**

* * *

**Author's Notes:**

Well, that was fun to write, but maybe my silliest chapter yet. So, hey, if you can, give some feedback. Did you like this chapter, or should I tone down the silliness? You tell me!


	12. Odin and Loki Bond

Deep in the halls of regal Asgard, the king and queen were sitting on golden thrones. They appeared to be in deep discussion.

"I wonder what my pesky foster son is doing at this moment", King Odin wondered aloud, no doubt talking about his Frost Giant son, Loki.

"No doubt, he is up to his usual no good deeds. It's a wonder he hasn't corrupted my favored son Thor yet", Odin continued, his eyepatch glimmering. Frigga looked at him timidly.

"Do you suppose maybe it's our fault Loki turned out this way, perhaps?" Frigga asked, clasping her hands together. Odin threw back his head and laughed at the idea.

"Our fault? My dear, I am a king, and a great man! How could one such as I be a bad influence on anyone? Thor is a good example of what someone can become under my tutelage". Frigga didn't look so sure.

"But dear, you were always so much nicer to Thor than Loki. You never even got Loki any gifts last year! What if Loki resents that?" Odin looked deep into the eyes of his wife – and snickered.

"Loki is a bad apple. After all, he is the son of a frost giant and once a frost giant, always a frost giant. However, I will give him a chance; I will head down to Earth in disguise and find our frosty son. You can watch from the magical crystal ball I made out of Heimdall's eyes", and with that last disturbing statement, Odin vanished, having teleported to Earth.

Frigga sighed. _Men_!

* * *

Loki was reading a book at his favorite Barnes &amp; Noble bookstore. He loved to come here on a slow day. He would sip some coffee, read a British novel, and plot all the ways he could catch Captain America unawares and murder him!

Loki had lost plenty of confidence, though. The Fates seemed to be against him, though he couldn't blame them. When he was a tyke, he used to play pranks on them too, by stealing their cloth, or putting fake illusions in their crystal balls. Those were good times.

But he had to stay focused. One mortal couldn't stand in his way! He had to do this for…who was he doing this for again?

_My memory must be going, if I can't even remember who told me to kill the Captain. Whatever, I'll just do this for myself. Personal gratification is always the best motivator._

The bells on the door rang as someone entered the bookstore, and the customary, "Welcome to Barnes &amp; Noble" was given. Loki truly hoped it wasn't some loud kid!

Looking over his book, he saw an older man wearing a fedora hat, a large black coat, and sunglasses. The old man was also using a golden cane to assist him in walking. Loki almost laughed at the man's horrible fashion sense, but the man gave off a familiar vibe.

Loki forced himself to suppress a shudder. What was wrong with him? Maybe he was thinking too much about killing Captain America, and it made him a bit paranoid.

"Some new scenery might do me some good", Loki muttered as he put the book back in its shelf, and headed out the revolving door. As he walked down the semi-crowded street, he felt a hand grab his shoulder. Preparing for a fight, Loki made a fist, and turned around.

"You?" Loki asked dumbly. It was the weird old man from the bookstore. The vibe Loki felt could not have been a coincidence. The old man stomped his cane on the ground.

"Young whelp, you will refer to me in a more respectable manner. Were you raised by giants…I mean, trolls?" the old man asked surly. Loki had half a mind to blast the man right now, bystanders be hanged. And a murder would probably bring Captain America running…

Ah, but all the Avengers would probably arrive, and Loki wasn't sure he could take them all on. For now, he would have to play along.

"You must forgive me", Loki drawled, wanting to roll his eyes. "I wasn't thinking clearly. I do humbly apologize". Well, if he was going to do this, he might as well go all the way.

Loki put his arm around the old man's shoulders, which were surprisingly broad.

"Do you need help crossing the street?" Loki asked sweet as could be. The old man looked confused, and nodded.

A few minutes of wandering around aimlessly afterwards, and the old man had suddenly announced his cravings for ice cream. Luckily, Loki knew a place just around the bend.

"I am quite sure you'll like it. They have a robust selection of over 20 flavors. I favor the pistachio myself", Loki admitted. He was a fan of the color green, sue him.

"Vanilla is all I need", the old man said surly. Loki always got stuck with boring people who liked boring things. He always did have pretty bad luck for a god.

As he ordered their ice cream, Loki glanced at the old man, who was sitting at a table, and flipping through some ratty magazine. Loki could not shake the feeling that he knew this man! But that was absurd, of course.

"Here is your ice cream", the teenager behind the counter said, handing Loki two bowls while blowing bubble gum. Loki took the cups, and with a wink of his eyes, the gum exploded all over the young woman's face. The woman shrieked, and ran inside the employee's bathroom.

Loki snickered, but out of the corner of his eyes, he saw the old man raise an eyebrow.

"You don't think that was funny?" Loki asked, placing the vanilla ice cream-filled bowl in front of the man, who was now stroking his white beard.

"It was rude to laugh at the girl", was the old man's short reply. Loki sighed.

"Stay right here", Loki commanded (suggested?), standing up from his seat, and heading into the rest room. A few moments later, he came back out with the lady, who had no more gum in her face. She was now staring at Loki with a sparkle in her eyes.

"I don't know how you did that, but I thought it was fine. Can I have your phone number?" Loki politely turned her down, but told her that he'd "be around".

Loki and the old man left. The next twenty minutes were spent with Loki helping a cat from a tree, Loki buying a piece of bread for a homeless man, and Loki playing kickball with a little kid (he let the kid win). The old man was consistently surprised by all this.

"Do you think ill of me?" Loki asked the old man, wanting answers.

"Why would you assume that?" the old man countered, playing with his beard.

"Because every time I do something decent, you act as if Hell hath frozen over!" Loki almost shouted in his frustration. The old man laughed, and insisted that he thought Loki was a fine gentleman!

Loki didn't buy the act at all. Just as he was about to retort, he heard a noise. Putting his hand around his ear, he realized it was guns firing! Running towards the noise, he saw two criminals shooting at….Captain America!

Of course, the bullets bounced off the almighty shield, and Captain America was able to subdue the criminals shortly after by just giving them a really mean look. Pathetic, these criminals were!

"I will kill you!" Loki yelled, his voice unfortunately being drowned out by the loud honking of a garbage truck horn nearby. Loki ran towards Cap, whose back was turned, but he felt himself get pulled back by some magical force.

Cursing, Loki used a spell to cancel out the one pulling him. As Loki prepared an attack spell, he felt someone punch him in the gut. Gasping for breath, Loki looked into the eyes of the old man, who right before his eyes, became Odin!

"I should have bloody known", Loki moaned. Odin sneered.

"I came down to this dirtball planet because Frigga convinced me that maybe you weren't all bad. But I arrive, and you're trying to kill off a hero? For shame".

"Oh please, father, you're no saint either. We both know you've killed before", Loki said, raising his chin.

"THAT DRAGON STARTLED ME! I ALWAYS TELL YOU THAT!" Odin yelled, his face either red from rage or embarrassment. Loki honestly could not tell.

"Whatever you say, "father", Loki spat out the last word. Odin stomped his foot, causing some nearby kids playing hop scotch to trip and fall. The kids began crying.

"You monster!" Loki yelled, horrified. That was crossing a line. Pouting, Odin opened a portal with his golden cane/staff.

"Hmph. I will go ahead and tell Frigga that you are a beast and that Thor is the most perfect boy ever" Odin managed to say in a single breath, before leaving.

Loki mentally shrugged, before his mind informed him of a horrible fact: Capt. America had eluded him again. This time it was Loki's turn to sob. The kids who had been playing hop scotch tried to comfort the crying god with some candy and trading cards.

* * *

"So, how was our son?" Frigga asked, not that she didn't know; she had watched everything from her crystal ball, and she was proud of Loki. Odin grunted, and ran to his room. Frigga had to cover her mouth so that giggles wouldn't come out.

Son of a frost giant or not, she did love Loki. Yes, even if his pranks cost her a dress or two in the past.

* * *

Thanos had somehow climbed to the top of Mount Everest. Dying from lack of oxygen would please Lady Death, right? He hoped so, because he didn't fancy jumping down from that height! Maybe he should have The Other try it first…

**To Be Continued!**

* * *

I hope Odin fans don't hate me too much...


	13. The Warriors Three

On Asgard, the noble Warriors Three were engaged in an epic brawl at the local tavern. Wooden mugs, still half-filled with ale, were being thrown around as if they were arrows, and large tables were being overturn, sometimes used as shields.

Dashing Fandral, rapier in hand, fought as if he were in a dance, with grace that made men jealous, and women sigh. At the moment, he was engaged with three brutes who had him surrounded.

"Yield, commoners, before I deign to show you my skills as a swordsman." The three men looked at each other, and began to bellow with laughter, one of them having to place his arms on his own knees to keep steady.

"Very well," Fandral said quietly. Before another sound could be uttered, he made a slashing motion with his thin sword. The villain closest to him looked down, feeling something was amiss. He blushed when he realized that his pants had been shredded to pieces!

The man ran off, howling into the night. His two companions both lunged at Fandral, hoping to avenge their drinking buddy. Fandral looped in-between them, and began to prance around them. They both attempted to grab him by his emerald clothing, but their clumsy hands were not up to the task.

Getting bored, Fandral stabbed each in the rear. Giving him the satisfaction of a wail, they both ran straight out of the tavern's walls, leaving cartoon-like holes in the wall, in the shape of their bodies.

Meanwhile, Hogun the Grim, named so because of his tendency to never smile or make small talk during his fights, faced off against a single opponent. His enemy spoke enough words for the both of them, so Hogun didn't feel the need to banter.

"Hogun, you look like a sissy. I bet you don't t speak because your voice is actually high-pitched!" The foul-smelling cad laughed at his own lame joke, if that was what it had been. Hogun raised his weapon, which wasn't a gleaming sword, but a spiked, ball-shaped club. Most people would take a glance at it, and decide that wearing a padded football helmet wouldn't be enough to protect them.

Hogun's foe confidently raised a large wooden shield, which had a slit near the top to let the user see through. Shield in front, he began to run towards Hogun, intending to ram the Asgardian. Hogun, standing his ground, simply raised his club, and with a grunt, slammed it against the barrier. The shield promptly broke into many pieces, some of which poked the former shield-bearer's eyes.

The man began to cry, although whether the tears were for the broken shield, or because of the splinters in his eyes, Hogun didn't know. Feeling almost a bit sorry, Hogun clubbed the man in the head, knocking him unconscious.

At the far end of the bar, where the front table was, plump Volstagg had just downed his fifth roast chicken, bones and all. Patting his enormous stomach, the warrior looked around, and seeing some sinister looking men approaching him, he decided it was best if he went on his merry way.

"Don't mind me," he courageously (in his mind) said as he approached the front doors of the tavern, only to discover that he girth wouldn't let him fit! Three of the evil men stabbed him in the back with their swords; unfortunately for them, Volstagg's fat caused the swords to bounce back, injuring the unsuspecting villains.

"Oh dear. I would stay to fight and crush you all, but I have, erm, important matters to attend to!" Volstagg turned towards the window, accidentally stepping on someone who had crouched down to stab at Volstagg's arguably more vulnerable legs. The loud crunch went unnoticed.

Growing fearful for his important life, Volstagg ran towards the back entrance, ramming dozens of unruly patrons, and sending them crashing against the walls like so much traffic.

Remembering that there WAS no back-entrance, Volstagg decided he would follow the example of Fandral's opponent, and create his own exit! Bracing himself for the crash, Volstagg stepped through the wall. When he glanced back, he was delighted to see all of his enemies had been knocked hither and yonder. Truly, he was a fine swordsman!

* * *

The next day, the three friends were back at the tavern, cleaning up the mess they had made as Frigga had ordered them. It was either that, or actually paying for the damage. It was an easy choice.

"Sigh. Why must one such as I do work such as this?" Fandral dramatically wiped his forehead with the back of his hand, sending sparkling sweat cascading around the area. Every female in the area swooned.

"Don't whine. Keep cleaning." Hogun didn't mince words. At the moment, mopping the dusty floor took priority. Fandral shook his head at Hogun.

"Maybe you are OK debasing yourself like this, but I have a higher calling!" As he said those words, he continued to laboriously remove every single wooden splinter from the grass outside the tavern. A few had poked his hand painfully.

"Whiner." Hogun knew how to throw an insult. Fandral gasped, before throwing one of his own. "Loner!"

The insult didn't make any sense, as they were always a trio, but ah well.

Before the two could start slinging mud at each other, Hogun noticed something was amiss.

"Where is Volstagg?" Fandral pasued, gave the area a glance, and announced, "He doesn't seem to be here."

As the two realized that he had skipped out on them, a newspaper, carried by the wind, blew into Fandral's face. Scowling, he read the headlines, which mentioned something about…LOKI?

Seeing his compatriot's face contort in horror, Hogun snatched the paper, and read aloud its contents.

"The trickster Loki, thorn to humankind, has been loudly attempting to end the life of Steve Rogers, more commonly known by his moniker of Captain America. Loki has not been shy about his goals, and while he has been failing miserably so far, we fear that he may soon triumph. If this happens, we will publish the Captain's eulogy. We need the money."

The article was published by the Daily Bugle. The two friends had never heard of it, but they also had no reason to not believe the words it had written.

"Let us go, friend Hogun, and show Loki just what we think of his plot to kill a most noble Earth man!" For once, Hogun was in agreement.

As the two clasped their hands together in brotherly affection, Volstagg stumbled towards them, drunk after having spent too much time drinking ale.

"Hello, my friends. How *hiccup* does your task go?" Glaring at him, the two brave warriors grabbed their round partner, and dragged him to Heimdall.

* * *

"I need permission from the All-Father, you know," the all-seeing Asgardian reminded them after being asked to open a bridge to Midgard.

Hogun and Fandral got on their knees, and then forced Volstagg to do the same. "Mighty and handsome Heimdall, we beg of you! Thor's mischievous brother has plans to do away with the good Captain America. We wish to save him!" Fandral managed to squeeze some tears out of his eyes to accompany his speech.

Heimdall could not stand to watch Asgard's three best warriors grovel on the dirt, so he sighed, and with a large thrust of his long spear, opened the rainbow. The colors danced around the oval space they stood in.

"Neat!" Volstagg yelled as he ran across, knowing that the Earth realm was filled with pizza and junk food. Fandral and Hogun followed, filled with good spirits. Heimdall shook his head, hoping that the Warriors Three would be filled with luck and glory.

Before Heimdall could close the gate, he felt someone tap his shoulders. Jumping with fright, he calmed when a tough female voice asked, "Where have the Warriors Three gone? If they go to adventure, I plan to follow."

"Sif, you gave me a fright!" Heimdall exclaimed. Sif crossed her arm, raising an eyebrow.

"How did you not know I was coming? Don't you brag about being able to see everything, with the exception of EVERY TIME WE GET INVADED?" Heimdall grit his teeth, and bade her a good journey.

Shaking her head bemusedly, causing her beautiful dark hair to swish in the wind, Sif gave Heimdall a curt bow (she never curtsied) and patted the sword strapped to her hip.

Sif walked across the bridge, and the portal closed behind her. Heimdall, relieved that his gate duties were done for the day, headed home. If he couldn't go on some epic quest, he would simply have to play some of the video games he had "borrowed" from Midgard.

* * *

On Earth, Loki was sleeping in Central Park. He missed the large explosion and burst of light that accompanied three Asgardians, with a fourth following a few minutes later. He was too deep inside his dream, which had him killing Captain America in various brutal ways.

If he had been awake, he may have noticed the three boisterous men head to a hotel. He also may have noticed the female enter the same hotel. But he wasn't awake, so he didn't.

* * *

**To Be Continued**

Apologies for not having Loki appear much. But next chapter, I promise! I just wanted to make sure the Warriors Three (plus one!) got screen time.


	14. Loki Wrecks Thanksgiving!

The staff of the Make Mine Marvel hotel, which is where the Warriors Three had decided to stay, were infinitely grateful. It was Thanksgiving, and yet they had almost no other guests. It seemed that everyone in New York City had left to other countries to visit relatives, or attend funerals.

"You three dudes are totally awesome!" The young intern, Viola, was ecstatic – not only would this mean a raise for her, but the three guests were all handsome – some more than others, of course. The one with the yellow hair made her want to float in the air.

"My good lady, when we saw that this fine establishment had a vacancy, we couldn't resist. And seeing such a pretty lady working behind the counter – well, that was just icing on the cake." The dashing man took Viola's hand and kissed it, like an old-fashioned hunk would. Viola squealed.

This made being turned into a frog for a few hours totally worth it!

"Oh my gosh, oh my gosh," Viola repeated, cooling herself off with a pink fan, causing her long blonde-with-purple-highlights-hair to fly in the gale. She knew that she had to stay professional – so she only winked at them once before grabbing the keys to the best suite at the hotel.

"I hope you boys find your stay to be wicked awesome." The large one, who had been sniffing for some odd reason, stepped forward.

"And you say that breakfast is free here?" Viola nodded. The breakfast was complimentary; the majority of the people who stayed did so for the food, which was cooked by a renowned chef who was at the top of his game.

After she tossed the keys to the hunk, he bowed. "Forgive us for our rudeness, but we never gave you our names."

He slapped his two partners on their shoulders. "The round one is Volstagg, and the silent one is Hogun. I go by Fandral, Viola." Viola had never heard of anyone called Fandral, but as far as she was concerned, he could call himself whatever he wanted!

"Give me your phone numbers. Um, in case we need to contact you," Viola encouraged, having no intention of storing the numbers in the hotel's databanks. She twirled her pink necklace between her long-nailed fingers.

Hogun let a snicker slip out. Fandral elbowed his usually quiet companion, before informing the young lady, "We don't use phones."

To Viola, who was phone obsessed, this was the biggest turn-off she could receive. Clutching her palm to her mouth, she ran out of the room. The three heroes shrugged at each other.

* * *

Loki hadn't been having the best morning. He woke up cranky because sleeping on a Central Park bench was not comfortable in the slightest. To make matters worse, a squirrel had been trying to hide some kind of nut inside his glorious, but admittedly unkempt hair. When he grabbed at the small rodent, it bit him.

It had taken a few minutes of cursing and pacing before the trickster had remembered to use a healing spell, and a few more minutes to turn the rodent into a frog. That was quickly becoming his favorite spell! Still, Loki vowed to himself that he would never sleep in the park again. Frankly, the sewers would be better; at least they were free of squirrels.

The final straw to break the camel's back was that the Warriors Three were at the hotel that Loki had been planning to sneak into. Loki had literally bumped into them!

"Loki! Defend yourself!" the do-gooder Fandral cried as he unsheathed his fencing sword. Hogun did likewise, while Volstagg struggled to remove his sword. Loki's eye twitched; he had no time for this! Using a quick spell, Loki warped inside one of the rooms, leaving behind an identical clone.

The clone gasped, before shaking his fist in the air and shouting, "Darn you, Loki!" The Warriors Three did not hear him, their ears filled with battle cries. As they tackled the clone, only a bunch of dust could be seen.

Loki heard all of this, and chuckled, his eyes gleaming with mischief. For this affront, he would turn the hotel into a giant shoe. There was apparently an Earth legend about a giant shoe that kids lived in. Humans were truly stupid sometimes.

Turning away from the door, Loki froze like a deer in the path of a Frost Giant. He looked into the angry eyes of Lady Sif, who was covered only in a towel, her hair wet from the cleansing water of a shower.

Loki backed up, until he felt the door behind him. "Sif, I can explain!" Sif grabbed her sword, and lunged at Loki. With a yelp, he ducked, and crawled under her bed. There was a loud cracking sound as Sif's sword stabbed into the wood of the door, right where Loki's head had been.

Under the bed, Loki shivered – until he got a lightbulb effect above his head, remembering that he could summon his horned-helmet! That way, her sword couldn't stab him in the head!

Loki snapped his fingers, warping him behind the angry female Asgardian, and placing his helmet on his head. Loki called it his Kill Two Birds with One Stone spell! Loki raised his staff to stab Sif, but he underestimated her reflexes; as he thrust downwards, she spun around gracefully, the light bouncing off her armor and shield, the latter of which deflected the blow.

"You have no honor, traitor." Sif spat out the last word, and Loki knew right then that he would receive no mercy from her.

"You know, I believe I would rather spend time fighting your friends," Loki stated calmly, before making a mad dash for the doorway. Deciding that running would take too long, and too panicked to remember to teleport, Loki jumped down the entire staircase, falling on top of Volstagg and using the, quite frankly, fat man as a trampoline so that he could kick Fandral in the face. Loki smiled as he felt the dirty heel of his boot connect with Fandral's overrated face.

"There can only be one pretty boy on Asgard, O Flirtatious One," Loki whispered triumphantly as he felt a loose tooth break out of Fandral's mouth, falling through the floorboards. Fandral touched his face, cried out, and ran in circles trying to locate a mirror. Hogun wordlessly pulled one out of some hidden compartment.

Fandral snatched it, and burst into tears upon seeing his slightly bruised face. As he continued to sob, even Loki felt some pity.

"Look here, man! It doesn't look that bad at all!" Fandral, grabbed Loki by the collar, and started to yell inside his personal space.

"Have you seen my mouth? A tooth is missing, you annoying little goblin! The ladies will think me horrendous!" Lady Sif, who had by now descended the stairs, hit Fandral on the back of his head with the broad side of her blade.

"Get a hold of yourself. To think, you deign to call yourself a warrior." Sif didn't seem very impressed with the actions of the Warriors Three.

Before the battle could continue to cause more damage, the manager of the hotel ran in. He wasn't thin, but his girth wasn't nearly as wide as Volstagg's. His mustache looked like the kind a campy, maniacal villain would twirl.

"I'll have to ask that you cease this noise. Don't you know its Thanksgiving?" The five Asgardians all looked at each other in confusion. The manager clapped his hands together in delight.

"Thanksgiving is a holiday, where everyone becomes extremely grateful for the things that they have been given. We also get to eat lots of delicious, home-cooked food." Volstagg's mouth began to water.

"Comrades, surely we can halt our battle so that we may sample some of Midgard's cuisine!" Loki watched as the other two members meekly agreed. Loki was about to scoff at them, but his stomach rumbled, code for, "Idiot! I haven't had nourishment in days! Skip out on this meal, and I will kick your butt all the way to Pizza Hut!" Loki didn't dare go against his own stomach, so he nodded at the manager.

Sif was the last to agree. "I will accompany you all, but only to keep an eye on our resident liar."

The manager led them inside a large ballroom, which contained an extremely long, wooden table. A strip of fancy red cloth, with white sequesters, had been laid on the table. Fancy silver plates, gold goblets, and glistening silverware had been placed in front of every chair. Soft classical music could be heard, being transmitted by various speakers throughout the room. Large, rectangular windows helped bring in some natural light and fresh air. Loki had to wonder why the hotel was almost empty.

His question was answered when the manager sheepishly addressed his guests. "There would be more people here, but an incident involving a frog scared most of our guests away." Loki had to quickly cough to hide a laugh.

The group all sat down in various seats. Lady Sif sat down next to Loki, who made sure to put on a show of placing a large, green napkin over his chest, which was the polite thing to do.

A bunch of maids walked in, holding platters of food. Each time a platter opened, even Loki had to admit that he was growing excited! The first platter contained mountains of white mashed potato, smothered by gravy! The second platter contained a Caesar salad, the dressing having a strong, fruity smell.

This was how it proceeded, until the largest platter of them all arrived. The maid smiled, before lifting the top. The huge golden light filled the room, overwhelming everyone. When the light faded, the group could not believe their eyes. Loki could have sworn that Volstagg had a heart attack!

It was a ginormous turkey, so juicy that it was literally dribbling oil. The aroma promised tender meat, and when the maid cut into the bird with a knife, the meat seemed to part like butter. Loki reached out a hand, but Sif smacked it. Loki cradled his now injured hand, glaring daggers at Thor's sometimes love-interest.

"Before we eat, we have the tradition of saying what we are thankful for. Who wants to start?" Volstagg raised a hand.

"I am thankful for this fine meal." His two teammates clapped politely. Loki and Sif remained silent.

"I will go next, if there are no objections," Loki said, standing up for dramatic effect, and raising his goblet, which was filled with wine.

"I have been, as some humans would say on Christmas, naughty. I have been rather rude to my father, I have been mean to my brother, and I have played the Warrior Three like a fiddle." Loki ignored the cries of "Hey!" from Fandral.

"But…I mean to make amends for that. I really do!" Hogun banged a fist against the mahogany table.

"But we heard that you wanted to murder the good Captain America!" Hogun's scowling face softened a bit when Loki replied, "I was in a foul mood, filled with evil intent."

Loki, to make his speech convincing, forced his voice to crack, and tears began to roll down his cheeks. "I don't know how any of you can ever forgive me for the wrongs I have committed. I am so sorry, brave warriors. I am also sorry for walking in your room without permission, fair Sif."

Loki got on his knees, the light from the windows perfectly causing his shadow to grow large. "Please, forgive a foolish magician." The manager was dabbing at his eyes with a napkin.

The Warriors Three, all of them huge softies, ran to embrace Loki, and even Sif had to admit that Loki came off as sympathetic.

The music playing from the speakers began to feature graphic violin usage, as Loki held the Warriors Three, sobbing out all his inner tears. No one noticed when he stuck his tongue out, and snapped his fingers.

Suddenly, everything changed! The bright, decorative room became as ugly and damp as some remote dungeon, with squirrels replacing rats as the main offenders. The Warriors Three were all tied with chains, and Lady Sif was trapped in a cage with the manager.

Loki, smirking at how easily he had fooled them, did a tap dance of joy before leaving the room. The silence was broken by the manager asking, "Is he coming back?"

The answer was given when Loki pranced back in the cold room. The manager's relieved grin disappeared when Loki grabbed the delicious-looking turkey, and once again exited the room. Loki shared his food with no one.

**To Be Continued**

* * *

**Author's Notes:**

Well, I hope everyone has a Happy Thanksgiving - or at least a happier one than the Warriors Three and Sif are having. And sorry once again at the lack of Captain America.


	15. Loki Has a (Somewhat) Happy Christmas!

Loki was thanking the gods that he managed to slip into one of the rooms of the Make Mine Marvel hotel, before remembering that he was a god himself. Whoops.

Still, he was thankful that he didn't have to spend the night out in the freezing wilderness that was Central Park. The snow would have made sleeping arrangements there most…uncomfortable, to say the least. Even if he was a frost giant, he still demanded something soft to sleep on.

"To think that I almost had to sleep out in the cold like some kind of hobo. ME, a former prince of Asgard! It is almost unthinkable!" Loki had stripped his armor and horned helmet, and replaced them with the hotel's complimentary pajamas. The print, which was bright red, was a bit too gaudy even for Loki's taste, but the fabric was undeniably soft.

Flopping down on the bed, Loki turned on his side, and his eyes fell on a calendar that was hanging on the wall next to him. Apparently, it was the 24th, which meant that the following day was the popular human holiday known as Christmas. Loki snorted to himself.

"I suppose my brother would call me, what was that man's name, Scrooge. I care not for this holiday, full of idiots and kindhearted fools being nice to each other and trading useless gifts. Besides, it isn't like I have any family to celebrate with." Loki refused to swallow his pride and return to Asgard to celebrate with his parents, and he'd rather die than give his pompous brother a gift.

As for his Frost Giant father, well… He was pretty much stone cold dead. And the thought of spending the holiday with Thanos and The Other was terrifying, for more than one reason. Loki shivered, even under the bedsheets he spread over himself.

Indeed, spending the twenty-fifth by himself seemed like the wisest decision.

_Still, I wonder if I could use Christmas as an excuse to get Captain America to lower his guard. Surely, he must spend that day with his family, or his friends. Perhaps both, since everybody seemed to freaking love the guy._

"I am not jealous. Nope, not at all. The very thought is utterly laughable!" Loki sneered, before realizing that no one was around to appreciate it.

A half an hour later, Loki sprung up from his bed, deciding that spending the whole day in bed would be impossible for him, and that he would rather spend his time trying to locate Captain America.

With a snap of his fingers, Loki donned his regal garb once more, before striding out the door, not caring who saw him. Unless, of course, one of the hotel staff asked for payment, in which case he would have to make a speedy exit via teleportation, one of the handiest spells Loki knew.

As Loki stepped out of the hotel's lobby into the brisk wind, he heard the tell-tale sound of singing. Wrapping a green scarf around his face, Loki headed towards the music, curious as to why anyone would stand in this gale just to holler some silly song?

Walking around the corner, Loki almost slipped on some ice, which didn't raise his mood. Grumbling to himself, Loki almost passed the carolers. One of them, a young child, quickly side-stepped in his path, and began to belt out lyrics to some Earth melody that Loki was not familiar with. It was obviously a Christmas song, though. Loki made his thoughts clear to the singer.

"Um, no. Actually, it's a Hanukkah song." Loki squinted at the pudgy boy.

"I don't know the word, I'm afraid." Loki wasn't embarrassed to inform the boy of this; who would believe the child anyway? The kid gaped at Loki.

"You don't? If you want, I could sing you a Christmas song, then. Jingle Bells is fun, or maybe I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus is more your speed." Loki held a hand up.

"I'll have to pass on your, um, generous offer. I have someone to dispatch." The pitiful child grabbed Loki's hand.

"But I really need the money, sir." This child expected Loki to pay to hear a song? Insanity! Loki angrily shook the kid off, and used a teleportation spell. Loki hadn't had a destination in mind when he used the spell, and so he was surprised when he found himself inside the Avenger Tower.

Immediately, he was bombarded by questions from the AI butler. "What are you doing here? Please state your business." Loki raised his staff, and was about to zap the speaker system when a booming voice sliced through his thoughts.

"Brother!"

Loki whirled around as a certain burly thunder god rushed in through some sliding doors. Loki let out a faint, "Eep!" before he felt himself get crushed by well-meaning arms.

"Brother! I knew you would not miss out on Christmas!" Thor's laughter could probably be heard on every single floor of the tower, which was no small feat considering that there were over 50 floors!

Loki struggled in vain to remove himself from his brother's grasp, and then gasped when he realized that he had dropped his staff in the confusion. Hissing, Loki ceased his flailing, deciding to await his fate with dignity.

As Thor and Loki stood in the middle of the room, the automatic doors opened once more, and a bunch of footsteps entered the room. Loki forced his eyes to look up, hoping that Captain America would be there.

But Loki had no such luck; only Black Widow, Hawkeye, and the insufferable Tony Stark were in his presence.

Widow raised an eyebrow. "You know, I saw a Chinese poster like this once." Loki had no idea what she was talking about, but he didn't care to ask. Managing to untangle himself from his brother, Loki warily backed himself up against one of the large glass windows. He wondered if it was the same one he had thrown Stark out of that one time.

"So, um. This is kinda awkward," Tony piped up conversationally, moving behind the counter to pour a drink. "You know, Thor, you could have warned us that your brother was going to show up today." Thor looked affronted.

"I did not know he was planning a visit." Lightening up, Thor added, "Loki always did enjoy surprising me."

"I am against this. I don't trust the guy," Hawkeye muttered, giving Loki the evil eye. Being an archer with excellent eyesight, the gaze almost literally pierced Loki.

"Down, boy," Natasha ordered Hawkeye, who placed his shades over his eyes. Widow rewarded him with a smile. Loki wanted to puke.

"Actually, Thor, I was just leaving and-" Thor held his hand up, interrupting.

"Captain America will be joining us shortly, and then we will feast and be merry! Oh, what were you saying?"

Loki smiled, and sat down on a green couch as if he owned the place. "Oh, just that I would love to stay for Christmas dinner. I do enjoy hanging with my brother's comrades." Thor beamed, Tony looked amused, and Natasha had to elbow a grimacing Hawkeye.

"Well, I guess that settles that," Tony shrugged, taking a sip from his glass cup.

Deciding it would be more fun to wait at the table, the group headed to the large, wooden table that was built to seat over a dozen people. Loki sat down first, placing his feet on the spotless mahogany. A glare from Black Widow changed that in a hurry.

"So how long must we wait?" Loki asked, impatient to get this over with. Sure, he could live over a hundred years, but that didn't mean he had to be patient.

"Actually, we won't have to wait. We can start eating; no use letting the food get cold." Tony ended his statement by snapping his fingers. On command, the surface of the table fell in, and a small elevator that lay underneath rose up. Loki couldn't believe his eyes; one of the largest platters of food he had ever seen now adorned the table!

Platters contained smoking turkey, glazed with gravy. Salad bowls contained an assortment of green and red colored food, with dressing that made Loki's mouth water. Potatoes and yams weren't left out, and someone had brought some chocolate cake, laced with whipped cream.

"Isn't it rude to start eating without Steve?" Hawkeye asked. Loki never wanted to murder someone as much as he did Hawkeye in that moment.

Tony shrugged. "Nah, he gave me the go-ahead if he was late." Loki felt something towards Tony he never thought he would never feel regarding the billionair – gratitude.

Murmuring a quick prayer to Frigga, Loki grabbed the nearest plates (both filled with strawberries!) and began to dig in, his stomach craving the food. After he stuffed his mouth full of the fruit, Loki remembered to mind his manners, and daintily wiped off the crimson juices from his mouth with an embroidered napkin.

The Avengers shrugged as they began to fill their plates, and soon clinking noises from the utensils hitting the plates began to fill the room, and Stark even convinced JARVIS to play some light classical music, to "Fill the joint with some ambiance."

Loki found it all to be a bit pretentious.

"Pass the loaves of bread, please." Loki turned to Hawkeye, who was looking at him expectantly. Sighing, Loki grabbed the small bundle of bread and handed it to Hawkeye's outstretched arm.

Widow elbowed Hawkeye once again, and after some fidgeting, muttered, "Thanks, I guess" to Loki. Loki smirked at the archer, before raising a spoonful of steaming soup to his lips.

As the atmosphere began to turn cozy, with Stark bringing out the champagne, and Hawkeye telling some funny stories from the war, and Thor bragging about how much alcoholic beverages he could down in one go, Loki had to admit that this feast wasn't so bad.

"I suppose even you Avengers aren't so bad when you're filling your stomachs with food," Loki reluctantly told his adversaries. Hawkeye coughed, loudly.

"We're only being nice to you because today is Christmas. Any other day, and your sorry butt would be in jail." Thor glared at his teammate, and Hawkeye suddenly found some fascination with his chicken leg.

Natasha crossed her arms. "Trust me, back when I had to do undercover work, many of the places I would be stationed at didn't celebrate Christmas, at least not in the usual way. Let's just say that in some countries, rats would substitute for turkey." Loki almost lost his appetite.

"Also, most of the places didn't have heating," she finished. Loki was surprised that anyone would spend such a day alone and cold.

His surprise must have been evident; Stark quickly interjected, "You're supposed to be an Abominable Snowman, right? Why would you look like you'd care?" Loki sniffed.

"I don't like being in my frost giant form, thank you very much. And what the heck is an Abominable Snowman?" Hawkeye doubled over, laughing.

Annoyed as he was, Loki had to admit…sitting here, and eating good food with people he knew – that wasn't such a bad way to spend the evening.

Then the phone rang.

Tony quickly excused himself, and dashed to the phone. Loki decided that the rich human wouldn't mind if some of his apple pie slices went missing, so the god of mischief helped himself. When Stark returned, he had a look of disappointment on his face.

"What ails you?" Thor asked. Tony sighed, and addressed the group.

"St – erm, Captain America won't be able to join us." Everyone dropped their spoons and forks. Even Thor was only able to shovel down three pieces of garlic bread before gasping.

"What the frack do you mean?" Loki slammed both palms against the table, causing some of the wood to crack from the force. Everyone around the table tensed, and Hawkeye raised his bow in a not-very-subtle manner.

"Apparently, he was on his way when he passed by a children's hospital. I guess he felt he could do more good by cheering up the kids on Christmas. He says to just put some food in the fridge for him later." Tony finally breathed after the lengthy sentence.

Loki seethed for a few moments, before forcing a serene smile on his face. In a level voice, he asked, "Did he inform you exactly which hospital he would be at?" Loki even batted his eyes at Stark, just in case.

"Loki, I'm not an idiot," was the short reply. Snarling, Loki raised his scepter and fired a blue-tinted energy blast at the billionaire. At the last second, Hawkeye jumped in front, taking the full-brunt of the attack.

"Tell Cap that I died – a hero," Clint said weakly, before falling into a coughing fit. Loki rolled his eyes.

"That wasn't even close to being a fatal blow, but only because I am now well-fed." Raising his scepter once more, Loki waved it in a circle, opening a portal.

"Tata!" With that, Loki jumped inside the portal. As it was closing, the trickster heard Tony mutter, "Can't he just teleport?" Thor replied, "He likes to make his exits a bit fancier."

As the snow fell, Loki found himself back in the streets of New York. It was obvious because of the smell of trash in the air, and the busy shoppers who shoved Loki aside as they hustled down the street. One lady somehow managed to smack Loki's head with a pink shopping bag.

Grumbling to himself, Loki decided to trudge back to the hotel, grumpily kicking snow with his boots. It was only when someone tapped him on the shoulder that Loki lost his temper.

"If your first few words hold no interest to me, I will blast you into at least a hundred pieces!" Whirling around, Loki prepared to kill the human – but he recognized the child. Tilting his head, Loki gasped.

"You're the brat who was asking for money earlier, are you not?" The kid nodded.

"Have you changed your mind yet, mister?" The boy was pouting, and his eyes were beginning to water. Loki wanted to ignore the kid – but there was a thought that wouldn't stop bugging him. He really wanted to prove that he was no less a man that that stupid Captain America.

"Kid, close your eyes," Loki ordered. The kid looked a bit weary, but he did so. Raising his fancy scepter, Loki brought it down on the pavement hard. A few sparks flew, slowly changing into a solid, gold form. Picking up the gold, Loki placed it in the kid's gloved hands.

The kid shot open his eyes upon feeling the weight on his hands, and said eyes almost bugged out of their sockets. "No way! Is this for real, mister?"

"I don't joke about gold." _Except when I do_, Loki thought gleefully.

Grinning, the kid ran off, probably to trade the gold for some cash. Deciding that he had done his good deed of the year (not to mention that he had helped a kid, just like Capt. America!), Loki teleported back inside the hotel where he could sleep in a room illegally.

* * *

The Other had finally found Thanos, who was standing under a tree in the middle of Central Park.

"What are you doing here?" Thanos glared at his subordinate, raising a finger to his lips, the universal sign for, "Shut up before I kill you." The Other shut his mouth, and only then, he heard the faint sounds of music, coming from a bit deeper in the park. It was a song, something about a silent night. It wasn't unpleasant.

Thanos nodded his head, absorbing the music. "It must be a merry Christmas, indeed." The Other stared at his boss, horrified. What had that holiday music done?

"The singing isn't anything special," Other grumbled. Thanos smacked Other's head.

Shaking his head, Other asked, "Do you need a coat? It is chilly here." Thanos gave him a look of disgust.

"I sit on a throne somewhere in the cold depths of space. Why would I need a coat in a mildly frigid environment like this?" Sighing, Thanos walked away from his servant, and towards the bright music below.

**To Be Continued**

Well, that was fun to write. Who doesn't want to see Loki hang with the Avengers for Christmas, right? Even Thanos got in the spirit (somewhat). I mean, I love Christmas songs. Who doesn't?

For those confused by Widow's "Chinese poster" line, Google "Chinese Poster Thor: The Dark World" and you'll see. ;)

Anyways, Merry Christmas!


	16. The Daily Bugle

"There is never anything good in the news anymore."

Loki was flipping through a copy of the _Daily Bugle_, more out of boredom than curiosity. On Asgard, Odin hired messengers to spread the news. It seemed that Earth instead had to rely on tedious parcels that left black smudges on the fingers.

So far, he had read about three murders (one involving an umbrella), two muggings, a missing pet crocodile, and the exploits of a new-ish hero called the Falcon, who was working with that twat Captain America.

It vexed the God of Mischief that he now had to see the face of his enemy in the paper as well. Loki was about to crumble up the paper in disgust before a thought struck him.

_Wait a moment. This paper seemed to feature an abundance of snapshots of Captain America. Perhaps the photographer knows his whereabouts._

Loki quickly scanned the page, and in very miniscule letters under the image, he found what he was looking for: Peter Parker.

"What an average sounding name. And yet, this…Parker may be able to assist me in finding my prey." Loki began to cackle an evil laugh to himself, before sensing the presence of someone in his room. Turning around lightning quick, Loki pressed his staff against the neck of – The Other?

"I could have killed you, you know," Loki scolded, secretly wishing he hadn't stopped before slicing the neck. The Other stuck his tongue out.

"Trickster, I'm only here to make sure that you aren't wasting my master's precious time." The Other's eyes looked around the small room, and settled on the paper on Loki's uncovered bed.

"Into human reading material, I see." The Other grinned, his fangs making for a grotesque image. Loki scoffed.

"If you had any brain, you would realize that this paper is important for fact gathering and information. Believe it or not, this black-and-white book may be the key to finding my hated adversary." Loki's voice rose and rose until it sounded like he was proclaiming that he had discovered the whereabouts of some divine force.

The Other didn't seem very impressed. "Did you at least steal it?" Loki had actually purchased it fair and square from some street vendor.

"It was only two dollars, for Odin's sake! I may be evil, but I'm not poor. Unlike you, heh heh." Loki smirked as The Other searched for some form of comeback. Unfortunately for the ugly alien, he lacked Loki's silver tongue.

"Whatever," The Other finally spat, conceding the fight. "Just make sure that you don't fail this time!" With those parting words, The Other disappeared as silently as he had arrived.

* * *

The _Daily Bugle_ staff were all covering their ears and hiding under their desks. An animalistic roar resounded through the building, causing everyone to shudder. One lady burst into tears, sobbing, "I don't want to die!"

They all pitied the young man who was forced to face the source of the roar: their boss, J. Jonah Jameson. At the moment, Jameson was furiously chomping on a cigar as he sat in his leather chair behind his wooden desk.

The young man in front of him gulped. "Jameson, I can explain…" Jameson banged a fist on his desk.

"I don't care what excuses you have, I can't believe you would take photos of Captain America instead of that Winter Soldier guy! Don't you know that super villains are where the money is really at? People love jerks like him!"

"W-with all due respect sir, I think people need to see heroes in their paper. You know, heroes they can look up to." Jameson stood up, red in the face, and began to yell in the boy's face hard enough that spittle splattered against the boy's nose.

"LISTEN HERE, YOU UNGRATEFUL BRAT! WHO DO YOU THINK HIRED YOU, HUH? WITHOUT ME, YOU'D BE ON THE STREETS, WHERE YOU PROBABLY BELONG!"

Loki, who had been waiting for the conversation to end so that he could ask around for Peter Parker, couldn't stand to wait any longer, and stepped out of the closet that he had teleported inside of.

"WHO IN BLAZES ARE YOU?" Jameson was somehow able to keep chomping on his cigar even when he was shouting. Loki snapped his fingers, and the foul smelling cigar blew up in Jameson's face.

Out of the corner of his eye, Loki saw the young man try to edge out the door. Loki grabbed his arm, and pulled the brown-haired boy back.

"Tell me, human, where I may find Peter Parker." Loki snarled, aiming to frighten the boy, who had a camera hanging from his neck like a necklace.

"Heh heh," the young man laughed nervously. "Er, that would be me." Loki wasted no time in slamming Peter against the wall, holding him up by the front of his blue jacket.

"Well then, Peter," Loki began, spitting the boy's name. "I have a question for you. For your sake, you had better answer honestly and to my satisfaction…or else!"

"Let me guess. You want to know where to find Spider-Man, right?" Parker was shaking, but there was also a determined glint in his eyes.

"What? No, no! I don't care about Spider-Man in the slightest! No one does! I just want to know where to find that accursed Captain America? You always take his photo, so you must have some idea."

For some reason, Peter had deflated when Loki dissed Spider-Man, but Loki didn't care. As long as he killed the American hero, what did he care if some photographer grew sad?

"Look, I don't know. Captain America is just really easy to find because he is always the first hero on the scene when trouble happens. I can practically set my watch to him." Peter struggled, even grabbing Loki's wrist in a surprisingly strong grip. Loki silenced the brat by hitting him with the staff.

"In that case, I'll cause trouble by kidnapping you. That should fish him out." Loki picked up the annoying Daily Bugle photographer, and teleported to the roof of the building. A bunch of pigeons who had been idly resting flew off in a panic.

"Now, scream for help!" Peter rolled his eyes.

"He isn't Superman, he won't hear me." Loki stomped on Peter's leg, causing Peter to yell, "Oh help!"

"I always get my way, Parker. Remember that," Loki whispered viciously. Peter rubbed his sore foot and glared at Loki.

Half an hour later, just as Loki was getting ready to toss Peter off the building, they heard what sounded like a jet zooming towards them. To Loki's disappointment, it turned out to be Iron Man, his armor glinting in the late afternoon sun.

"Awesome, you actually heard me!" Peter looked amazed, until Iron Man raised a hand.

"No, actually. I got a phone call from someone called Robbie." Peter sighed.

"Where is Captain America? I demand to see him!" Loki didn't care if he sounded childish; he had waited all day for this!

"Take a raincheck," Iron Man said unsympathetically, scooping up Peter and flying away. As the sun set, so did Loki's tears.

* * *

**To Be Continued**

Yay for Spider-Man references. You know, in hindsight, it was really disappointing that Jameson didn't appear in any of the _Amazing Spider-Man_ films. Ah well.


End file.
